What’s Laura bored of? Li-Lo’s recovery strategy

What would Oprah do? Maybe that’s what we should be asking ourselves henceforth. It’s working out well for Lohan, after all.

Since completing her sixth rehab stint last month then baring her soul to the talk show queen, who’s basically Yoda but with expensive handbags, she hasn’t been off her face or arrested once. Also, she’s looking less dead in the face and getting offered loads if TV and film roles and stuff.


“I’m my own worst enemy,” Lohan told Oprah

So will Li-Lo stay on the rails and stick to her vow to Opes to ‘do whatever it takes’ to remain that way? Watch this space. And when I say ‘this space’, I mean the eight-part documentary that she’s becoming the focus of on her new bestie’s network, which will follow her road to recovery.

A reality TV show?! That makes TOTAL SENSE, Linz. I mean, as if you’re going to tiptoe back down that slippery path of self-destruction when there’s a camera in your face. Can’t think of ANYONE that’s happened to *starts cough* Katona, Britney, Kenickie from Grease etc etc  *ends cough*. And those TV execs are psyched about what great television you staying on the wagon and living a harmless, drama-free existence is going to make, for sure.

Oh, maybe she’ll succeed. She’s taking all the right steps. Opening up. Acknowledging she’s her ‘own worst enemy’. Confessing she’s a booze junkie. Coming clean about the cocaine she’s dabbled in ten to fifteen times.

Um… TEN TO FIFTEEN TIMES? Hahahahaha hahaha hahahaha haaaa.

Sorry, LL, don’t mean to laugh. It might have been marginally more believable if you hadn’t sat there with the same doe-eyed sincerity a few months ago while swearing blind to Piers Morgan that you’d only taken it four times in your life. Shortly before you insisted you’ve ‘never really been a big drinker’. And also, if there wasn’t about four thousand pictures of you on google images with white stuff caked around your nostrils.


Li-Lo circa 2010

Don’t get me wrong. I could not give two fifths of a shit how many times Lindsay has taken coke. Just don’t keep telling us you’re going to tell us the truth and then blatantly LIE. It’s so pointless and yawnsome.

Just say nothing.

If you don’t want to be upfront about it, then don’t. Just get out of rehab, give up your vices and stop being a douche… IN PRIVATE.

Which I actually do think is what Oprah would do.

(Laura Two)


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